Had a talk with my sister over dinner (McSpicy woohoo) and we realized that we have a lot of similarities when it comes to friendship. The only difference is she's probably more proactive in deleting people in her life once they upset her. I'll just suffer and cry on my own #dramamamoments.
To start it off, I know that I may not be the best person to dictate what friends should be since I'm probably not a good friend half the time. But in my defense, every single thing I expect from people, I do them as well. That's fair isn't it? And I know I have a history for being a complete bitch but I've changed. I've stopped being bitchy since I was.. 15 okay. So let's just lay it out in the open what exactly are my expectations, shall we?
1) Listen. When I tell you my problems, the basic thing that you can do is to listen. I don't expect you to have solutions to my problems but knowing that I have someone to tell about everything under the sun will be good. And remembering it would be good too. When it comes to me, I don't think I give good advice at all. But I'll listen. I may not remember but I'll always listen if you tell me about it 10 times over.
2) Do not, DO NOT cancel your plans with me especially if its last minute and I was really looking forward to it. I have this issue like all the fucking time I don't know why people actually do this. And it happened like recently actually. At least have the liberty to tell me the day before (I'll be pissed but not as much). I slept for two bloody hours just so I can spend time with you and wore proper clothes and you tell me only hours before that you're cancelling. Nowadays, its just so hard for me to actually have spare time to meet people because of work, school, schedule clashes so rescheduling NEVER works. But sounding genuinely sorry about it and making an effort to reschedule appeases me enough. Plus I'm not THAT much of a petty bitch. I'll be pissed at you for cancelling and not talk to you for the rest of the day but I'll be fine the next day and will start a conversation with you. And I'm sure if I know you personally, you can attest to this. I just need a day to chill out k.
3) Show concern. I just don't get this. I don't. Person A tweets: Disappointed/I wanna give up/Feeling so sick right now. Person B replies: Don't give up, it will be fine/What's up are you okay?/Take care, drink lots of water. I DON'T GET THIS AT ALL. The past few days I've been feeling pretty down about some stuffs and I've been tweeting but does anyone bloody replies to it or asked me what's up NOPE. And they can do this to other people. Well gee thanks, am I not your friend too? And don't give me the bullshit that I don't do that to others why should do they do that to me? I do it all the time if I do read them in my timeline. Unless if I missed out the tweet. I don't know whether its just me (and my sister of course) who feels this way but is it wrong to expect this much? Just knowing that someone actually cares about me; is it wrong to want that? Most of the time I read twitter at the end of the day only as reading Person B replying to Person A just makes me even more disappointed. Sometimes a tweet is a cry for attention or help. What if that person is about to do something really horrible but one message is able to stop them? What if that person have been crying for the past few hours and just one single question, 'Are you okay?' instantly cheers them up? What if that person needs someone to talk to desperately but have no idea who to turn to? It all comes down to how much do you care, isn't it?
4) Reply my texts. Ok fine I know that people don't check their whatsapp all the time and like they are not comfortable with small talk and all. But really isn't this just ignoring then? And I really hate being ignored. I don't actually mind if you do reply me like 24h later. A REPLY IS STILL A REPLY. I'm the kind of person who loves whatsapping people. I can carry on conversations everyday for years. Yes years. If you are my friend why don't you want to chat with me? What's wrong with talking everyday? I have daily conversations with about 3 or 4 people and I never got sick of it at all. And you know what's the most annoying part? If you reply in a group chat and not to me. RUDE.
5) Making plans without me. When I'm in a clique, I do expect plans to be shared. I hate assumptions. 'Oh I think she's not free, don't need to ask her la.' And I'll be at home checking Instagram and be like 'What. How did I not know about this.' Isn't that the feeling of being left out? Although recently I've come into terms with that. Cuz hey I don't know who my friends are anymore so these people probably doesn't consider me as their friend so I should stop thinking that they want me around. I've also realised that I'm better being alone with a person as compared to in a group. So yeah, I'd rather meet one on one with a person. My sister, however started feeling it recently and I completely understand how she feels.
6) Share your problems. I want to be the first person you turn to, the only person who knows about your problems, who feels that I'm enough for you. Well, I guess that's what best friends are for and that's why I have none. If I can share with you my problems, why can't you? And the best part is that you tell everyone else in the clique (or majority) and then when we all meet there's like an inside joke kind of thing and I have no idea what's going on. Being in a group of friends means actually being a part of something. What's the point of having a clique when you're the only person who's left out? Isn't solitude better then?
7) Do not be intimate or talk to the guys I like. Okay I know this may sound childish but I would never ever do that to a friend. Example: I like a guy and you know I like him. You're always encouraging me to go for him to not give up and then dissecting the things he do and saying stuffs like 'I think he really likes you!' and then go behind my back and chat with him and all and even be intimate with him or worse, make out with him. Rude much? Another example: I like a guy and you know I like him. But you talk to him every single fucking day and even make references about what you guys talk about to me and worse, a screenshot. And not make any effort to actually put in a good word or two for me. While here I am, struggling to think of a conversation starter cuz I have zero common topic and he doesn't continue the conversation with me. I have self esteem issues ok. The fact that you know it all and still do it and find nothing wrong in it or put in an excuse or two. Insensitive much? It just makes me feel.. I don't know? Undesirable? Knowing that someone else is better than you just sucks.
I should totally stop ranting as I'm supposed to do my pile of assignments since like.. the whole day but never got around to it. All I've done is sleep, watch 2 Broke Girls and Baby Daddy, watch YouTube videos, tried playing the guitar (I HAVE SHORT FINGERS FML IT HURTS), eat McSpicy meal, play Hay Day, mini karaoke session and now blogging. What a fruitful Saturday eh?
So yeah. Honestly, I miss talking to D. Before this, if I have a problem, she's the first person I texted. We talked everyday so its only natural. But hey, I guess I'm not the friend who is worth your time anymore. Maybe the reason why I'm feeling like shit half the time is because she's not in my life anymore. Maybe.
xx
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