Scrolled through my blog and I posted this on August 15th, 2012:
And guess what? Both of them is no longer in my life. One has cast me aside and replaced me with another friend who is probably cooler and more interesting than me and one has thrown our friendship aside after all these years.
Nothing's going right and nothing's making me happy.
I would want to say that I have lots of friends and they are there for me. But that's all lies. Lies. The last few months of 2013 have been so hard. If you are my friend, have you asked me how am I doing? If you are my friend, have you asked me how's my dad? If you are my friend, have you asked me whether it has happened the 3rd time? If you are my friend, have you asked me are you okay? Is everything fine at home? If you are my friend and you said that you will be there for me, have you asked me am I okay?
All I need is assurance. I know this is my life and I have to deal with them on my own. But knowing that someone's going to be there when I am at my breaking point would be nice.
All I get is ignorance and being treated the bottom of the pack. Neither my response nor my presence matters anymore. I am a nobody. I am not the funny one, I am not the cute one, I am not the wise one, I am not the sensible one.
Every single day not only can't I be myself around people in school sometimes, I have to come back and deal with drama at home. I thought work could be my distraction but the people that mattered, that made me feel alright, that made work fun are all gone. So where's my escape? Where can I be that can make me forget my misery for just one second?
Maybe solitude's the best solution. Maybe I should just slowly fade away and just revolve my life around school and work. Because really, I am feeling so miserable and so lonely, there's not going to be much difference is there?
Been putting up a front and will continue doing it. Why show people you're miserable when no one bloody cares?
xx
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