I have a lot of things on my mind. A lot of things I'm worried about, a lot of things to do. I think I haven't been talking much nowadays. My only escape is probably Yus (thanks!) and blogging and writing in my journal on my bed.
I'm worried about dance. It always seems like I'm the weakest link. And I tried. My strength and stamina compared to others is like..... Even though I put in a lot a lot of strength, people tell me, its not enough. And then I can't do for too long cuz I feel tired already. And nowadays so many things hindering me from coming dance regularly. Now I'm glad that I have 2 choreo only. Imagine if I have more than that >.<
I'm worried about school. It always seems like I end up doing almost everything. First of all, I really don't mind doing like most of the work. I don't, really. But some concern is all I need. And plus its not supposed to be just me doing it. It will heartened me a bit if you at least ask how is it going? Is it done yet? Do you need help? Secondly, I have to lug around this thingy like everyday. Almost. I think I brought it everyday last week. Its inconvenient for others, its highly convenient for me? Almost everyday I have to bring backpack and fill it up with this thing, notes, dance stuffs. Yeah, very convenient tyvm. And I cannot dress up cuz bringing backpack will just spoil the whole image. All come, all dressed up, bringing tiny bags with practically nothing in. Tyvm. Sleep, wake up, all done. Never get good grades, not happy. Yeah, try doing it on your own then. Others have 4/5 brains working. My brain is not good at all. Urgh.
But yeah no one cares about this. I cannot have my own social life, I cannot enjoy doing things I enjoy, I cannot just slack and watch shows all day cuz why? I have to worry about assignments and such. As much as I'm able to juggle my stuffs the past 2 years. This time round its becoming more and more taxing. I have no fucking time. I want to sleep by 12 but its impossible.
I don't need much, I just want concern. My education is important. You don't care, you're screwing up my life. My future depends on my education cuz I'm not rich. The only way I can continue studying is through good grades. I'm not trying to be a wet blanket and spoil all the fun. But there's a limit. Maybe I don't know how to have fun but try worrying about so many things and see whether there's any space for fun at all.
Third thing are my flaws. I'm always scared to show people how I really am. I know that people may view me differently after that and I don't want that. Ever since I came to poly, I can count the number of people who knows my secret with my one hand. I just added one today on the list. Please, don't see me differently now :(
And fourth, things going on at home. This cold war is irritating and annoying. Both are at wrong and both doesn't want to give in. And don't vent out you anger on me. I don't know why she's like that to me and to you. Its not my fault. Not my fucking fault dammit.
Okay I've said enough. I don't know what will come out of this. But, no it doesn't make me feel any better. Cuz ranting it out, typing it into a goddamn long post does not change anything at all. The things mentioned above does not vanish just like that.
*Abrupt change of topic.
This looks damn syiok!!!! And fattening and sinful. LOL. From Tumblr!
*Another change of topic. I like this hairstyle!
Anddddd abrupt end of post. I have a test tomorrow >.< And I think I'm skipping my 8am makeup lesson. Siao 10 to 1pm do what you tell me?! And classes ends at 5.30! WTF. The only reason stopping me: I skipped twice already >.< Oh well. I can skip one more right. HEH.
Kthxbye.
No comments:
Post a Comment