Lost

Recently, I've been feeling really not in the mood for school at all. I mean I know that I've always been lazy and procrastinate all the time but this is extreme. For the first time ever, I actually took an MC to get away from a presentation. Granted that I really wasn't feeling that well but I am a strong person and I think that I could get through it if I were to just push on and then I don't have to worry about submitting my MC and fretting over the presentation for another week but nooo I decided to be a damsel in distress. This is the first time ever that I used a medical reason to get away with schoolwork.

And then I have tonnes due this week and I had a couple of days free last week and what did I do? NOTHING. I did none of them, only started my report due today on Saturday night and only continuing on Sunday and finished it at 1am. How long was that? And today again I succumbed to my head and skipped class just cuz I don't feel like presenting and I wanna sleep in. WHAT IS UP WITH ME.

I just want this to be over. In my head, 9 more weeks, 9 more weeks and I'll be done. No more staying up, no more essays, reports, presentation NO MORE. And instead of that motivating me, it made me more lazy. It made me have the mentality that I went through all that this is just going to be fine and I can't have that! I am not born smart, I am not born hardworking. I have to put in a lot of effort to be where I am now and I can't stop now?! I'm disappointed with myself but at the same time I'm doing nothing to motivate myself. I'm still finding excuses to get away with doing things and just pushing everything to the last minute. I even prayed today. The last time I prayed was last year (yes, I'm ashamed) and I suddenly felt like doing it cuz I want a clear mind and hope that god will guide me.

But its 6.51pm now and what have I done? NOTHING.

I need a slap on my face.

xx