Thursday, September 08, 2011

Feelings evoked all over again


So another long hiatus from the previous post. Work has been mundane. My life has been kind of...boring. Okay fine, work is work. Like I have a choice.

At first I thought that it will get better as I've mentioned that I made a new friend. But it hasn't been so good so far. So what if its a predominantly Chinese people company? Isn't English the universal language? Isn't English your first language? I get so pissed off with this issue super easily. Even though I can understand 75% of what they're saying but seriously? An iota of consideration would be very much appreciated. So I'm just like always sinking in my seat and hoping that I'm not there but at the same time I do not want to be alone either. Yeah, pathetic life I know.

But surprisingly, the person I thought that has some unknown reason to hate me actually turns out to be the better one. Today ended on a happier note. Though I'm not getting my hopes too high that the coming days will get any better. Knowing that tomorrow's a Friday is a consolation to me. It also means dress down = tee, jeans and Converse for me :)

So anyway enough with this work issue. Not that I can do anything about it. Other than learning to speak fluent Mandarin. Planning to but haven't got the means yet. And anyway why should I just to overcome this problem when they are perfectly capable of speaking English?

I'm gonna start my soliloquy rambling here.

After so long, I realised that I still like you. I didn't think that your presence would mean anything to me after awhile but I'm wrong. Hanging out with you just evokes that feeling. I don't know why and I hate it very much. I'm always the one hoping and hoping and it never happens. And in the end, I know you're going to end up as just another person that I used to like. For a long time. I kind of can't wait till you're gone. So then I don't have to think about you. Okay that's a lie, I will but at least I don't have to see your face. I'm never the kind who makes the first move, I'm never the kind to confess. At the end of the day, its my loss. Possibilities that it may, just may, work out. At the same time, commitment has never been my favourite word. I hate the idea of just one person. Its because I chose to be a coward that's why I'm still like this after 20 years. Though now, I feel like giving it a try. And I only want you.

Out of all the superpowers out there, I wish I can read people's mind.

I'll blog about Raya and my experiment with centre parting soon (I hope). Here's a sneak :)


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