Recollections of the past

(OMG POLLY POCKET!)

When I was young, I desperately want to grow up and start earning money so that I'm able to buy whatever I want. But now, I don't want to grow up. Its frightening just thinking of how much I have to rely only on myself because I cannot depend on others anymore. I'll be turning 20 this year and though it might not be an old age, heck its not even 21 its still the start of 20s! I'm going to end my teenage years :(

I'll miss the privileges of being a student/teenager. Seriously, there's so much benefits. Go everywhere also free. Or half price. I cannot imagine having to pay the train and bus fare without concessions man. I think half of my pay/allowance will go towards paying the transportation fare.

As I have very poor memory, I don't really remember my childhood days actually. I just remember that I never had barbie (cuz my mum believes that it will haunt you at night), I never had toys (I don't know why) and I only played 'cooking' with my elder sis under the dining table. And I do remember studying. Freaking out cuz I got 89 and not 98. Getting 100 for all the exams and crying when I get 98 and of course my dad forcing me to learn the timetable. Only the 2x2, 3x3, 4x4 all the way to 10x10. Is there a name for this? So anyway, my dad would test me and he even timed me with the hour glass. I think it was a 3minute one.

Oh and omg I enjoy pulling out my teeth! The immense pleasure when the teeth came out after I pull it out. Even dentist visits are free la! And yes, I enjoy going to the dentist. Especially usually there's not much other than the usual talk about getting braces and polishing. After my visit to the dentist, I'll be smiling all day long. After polish leh!

But I guess one memory that will forever be etched in my mind is having crushes. My first crush was in Primary Four. I mean like serious crush until got talk on phone and text that kind. OMG I remember there was one kid in Primary one who always give me coloured staples. HAHAHAHAH! And he's my partner and he everytime very excited to hold my hand will swing here swing there. HEHE. He's a Chinese kid btw. I forgot how he looked like already >.<

So yes. My first crush. Is a Chinese. Come to think of it my crushes are all like 95% chinese? (Y) He has super deep dimples and everyone likes him as well.  We talked on the phone like damn long. That time Primary Four don't have handphone yet! HAHA. I don't know whether he remembered. Then there was another guy during Primary Six. Again everyone likes him. And he's Chinese Malaysian, so he took Malay and he sat in front of me and will everyday ask me questions LOL. And obviously I got my first handphone and we texted a lot!

OMG now that it has come to this. I have to tell the most memorable story ever!

There's this one time during a 'prepare for PSLE camp' I was in the same group with my first crush (let's call him N) and my current crush (let's call him J). J was not in the same class as me. N was. So anyway, the teacher called out our names and he/she called me, J and N's names first. There were 5 people in the group. And it was a round table where we have to sit. So J and N sat comfortably side by side (they knew each other HAHA). And I came in and had no idea whether to sit next to J or next to N so guess what, I sat at the seat in between which is beside neither. Smart right! HAHA. The two other girls sat at the other two seats. So we did normal work like Math and stuffs I think? Like got discussions all that. Don't remember. Anyway, not the point of the story.

So N, was asking J, 'Eh we should exchange phone numbers'. So J rambled of his number, '9xxxxxxx' and he looked and me and asked, 'Right?' Note at this point of time, we were still on texting terms and though awkward when we meet we had a - connection? HAHAHHA. And he was always the one who talk to me in real life. HAHA. I'm shy you know. So yeah anyway when J said that, I was like 'Eh? Erm, I think so.' And just shrugged when obviously I memorised his number LOL. N looked kind of surprised, looked at us both and said, 'What, you all contacting each other arh?' And J said, 'Ya, cannot arh?' I think I was not in my right mind by then so I can't remember what else happened. Come to think of it, I cannot remember what the other 2 girls are doing. LOL. Like audience watching drama -___- There were games being played on field too and there were interactions between me and J (which is too weird to describe in words).

BUT graduation came. And we went our separate ways. I was still in contact with N and J for a period of time. After a while, I don't really contact J and I contacted N a couple of times to wish him for his birthday and he invited me to support him for his competition. Which I didn't stay till the end cuz it was kind of late. But oh well. So now. I think J is overseas? And from what I know he's attached. He's 2 years older btw. As for N, I'm still in contact with him. He's in NS now? And omfg I hope he don't read this >.<

Anyway the point is, I don't want to grow up. I guess when I was young, I was more reckless and don't really care about what will happen after cuz I know I don't really have to take the full consequence. But for now, I guess every step I take, I have to think like 3675274 times. Its really so much easier when you're a kid and you don't have to worry about anything at all. Don't have to worry about what other people will think. I really miss that.

I guess its kind of stupid to think like this. Life has to go on and it cannot stand still forever isn't it? If everyone's gonna stay the age they want to be, what will the world be?

I have to start thinking wisely and be more mature in the way I act and the way I talk. Hello, I'm going to be 20 in a few months time hey ho. >.<