Okay I know I'm supposed to be studying but I just watched 3 episodes of 90210 Season 1. I intended to watch like one only? >.< So now I'm again procrastinating and listening to Avril Lavigne's first album (Y) I only did 2 chapters of notes for Entrepreneurship. Omgeee.
So anyway, today I was kind of pissed as I am constantly reminded of how much I am lacking. Its bad enough having imperfections that is impossible to hide and having to be reminded of another imperfection you have is not helping me feel any better. Sometimes I do envy her. Oh yes, she's two years older than me, the eldest child, the first grandchild thus yeah everyone loves her and she's the mature one and the better one. She's graduating from a university and going to start work and earn big bucks soon and she's pretty and skinny and tall and has no evident imperfections whatsoever. Oh yes, she's perfect.
But that doesn't give her a right to actually call me names and point out what I'm lacking or what I need to shed apparently. I know even though I got 244 and beat her 236 for PSLE and nearly went to Cedar Girls all is forgotten cuz I didn't do as good as her for the O's. And even now that my current GPA is higher than the GPA that she graduated with, people are still gonna compare. That's why I'm deciding to go to a better university than SIM. And then people will just gush about how tall she is, how skinny she is. And she's gonna brag that people want her body. But why does she have to put me down every time? She wants to invest in getting invisalign yet never keeping her promises to me. And I know I don't have the right but that 6-7k can be used to 1) Pay me back for her SIM fees and 2) Actually try to help me out and fund my skin treatment. So then I wouldn't be such an eyesore to her. Well lesser of an eyesore.
Its demoralising when you're home and people tell you that you're fat wearing this, wearing that when you tried dressing up. And then when you're back to t-shirt and jeans they'll be like, don't you have other clothes to wear? And when you like wearing black and not because you think it has a slimming effect but its really cuz you like black, they'll think you're just trying to make yourself look skinnier. And when your friends out there tells you they like your hair, its nice if you don't pin it up and you look chio with hair down but when at home everyone's telling you that your hair's too messed up and you should totally tie it up. And worse is when people in your house don't even have a single fucking scar or rashes at any of their fucking body parts and you have them everywhere and you have to live with never being able to wear anything above the ankles, not being able to go to the beach cuz wth who wears jeans to a beach, and have to live with wearing skin colour stockings during your dance performance and worrying about the costume every single time when others have only their dance to worry about.
Yes, story of my life.
I really don't need pity. All I need is understanding and a bit of tact would help too.
And trust me when I have the means, I'll improve myself so much that you'll regret ever saying bad things about me.
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